dream

In this oil painting from 2015, I depict the Six Phases of Faith. I painted it as I was learning about this very difficult process. When you don’t know that these issues are part of the journey, you tend to be tossed from wave to wave, struggling to survive each blow. Learning this process through a 6 part study is how I began to understand that “everything is possible with God” but that it really helps to realize that there is a process that He allows for our faith to be developed. God prepares us for the dream He has for our lives when we are ready to live according to His will, instead of trying to always be in control.

These are the Six Stages of Faith; the dream, the decision, the delay, the difficulties, the dead end and the deliverance.

This image below is the first pass of a large 48′ X 48″ canvas that would tell a story about the processes of faith, the first four to be exact; Dream, decision, delay and difficulties. I felt I was cruising at this point. I had a grip on what I was portraying when suddenly a more difficult event occurred at this time that shook me to the core. It is a story of lawlessness with a motive of Parental Alienation. This means when the other parent fails to co-parent and worse, keeps setting traps to keep you away from your children, one after another. I feel for all parents that have been victims of this. It is a very heartbreaking walk, one that only God could possibly get us through, as Yeshua is close to the broken hearted.

• DREAM – The dream is what is seen in the center. The portrayal of the dream may not seem like much here but I understood it. It was a group of people walking towards the light. God’s dream for me, once I had turned my life completely over to Him. I had to learn His ways. Basically, learn to see in a more spiritual way, a higher way, developing that sense of “knowing.” He drops mysteries that we then need to seek His Spirit for greater understanding. I had to learn the sound of His many voices, His prompts, His hidden language and stay focused on Him, on the light and have a sense of clarity. Then in turn, He would have me use this spiritual insight to share at opportune times and help bring others towards the knowledge of His glory. He taught me so much through art, a life style of walking in the Spirit. Much like Moses, I felt inadequate for the job but I have always had a boldness and finally the LORD would help develop it. That was His plan and His purpose for my life, and since being saved in 2009, I was fervent, seeking more and more, and always finding treasure after treasure. He built this into me and I was going deeper and deeper into “THE ART OF KNOWING THE HEART OF THE FATHER.” He was showing me how all things work together for those that love Him.
  • He also built into me the desires of my heart and my giftings, so I came to realize that mostly I needed to surrender. None of this comes easy if you read the Torah. We are much like the Israelites needing to be taught along the way. Some people are blessed with Godly parents, others are blessed with parents who have common sense but also many are born of very imperfect parents. And God knows all this and He factors it all in somehow. At that time, I knew parts of God’s plan for me. For instance, He revealed who’s life mine would most resemble from the past. I now had a clue. He’s funny like that. He drops breadcrumbs and molds you into a detective, always seeking Him for more. Even my first College paper, before I was saved, was about who I identified with, and low and behold it was James Bond, 007.
• DECISION – This part, the decision, is really the hardest of the phases, because as the LORD gives us free will, we have to make a decision if we are going to follow the steps He has for us. It often means surrendering something. I just wasn’t prepared yet at this stage, that it would be my son. In the painting, decision is that fat stroke of black under the dream part of the center. In my case, this decision was rather easy. I was new in Miami, and I kept running into one big pompous personality after another, feeling like I had to figure out how to compete in this mayhem. It was a very competitive arena and a rather dark one, this art world in Miami and even though I had found my niche into contemporary art, it was prophetic, and the enemy is not going to make an easy opening for that kind of light to shine forth. That’s what I thought was my decision; being less involved with the world. That came rather easy.
  • I had always wanted a Gallery. In California, I had been very successful doing the top ten outdoor Art Festivals, winning prizes and being Poster Artist in many. In Miami, the obstacles were different. I would incur paying two rents, expensive Art Fair exhibiting opportunities with very little chance at sales. Extraordinary advertising costs. You name it, I wasn’t prepared for sinking so much money into a facade, but that is where I found myself. Facing one obstacle after another, hidden agendas, false promises, a business model that was more a money pit. I broke down, cried out to God and asked Him to please make all my decisions moving forward. I had lost the ability and confidence to make decisions in regards to my business and other areas. There was no financial return, even though people loved my work. In hind site, I feel so many sales were sabotaged. There was, however, a huge population that did not know the LORD. Sharing the Gospel is about planting seeds and that is really where my heart was at and doing it through artwork made it more palatable for me. I figured I dropped seeds and at best, I would make some sales. Neither happened. It was not an easy crowd. They were at events mostly to see and be seen. This ties in more with the difficulties. Let me not get ahead of myself.
  • I now fully relied on the LORD to lead me. At the same time right after opening my Gallery, I went back to California in the summer to win back my children in a custody battle, after losing the first year to very dirty schemes, lies and false accusations that convinced a female Judge to rule against me, the mother, and a good mother and provider. She bought into the lies that were presented, and denied my two children “that wanted” to come live with me in Florida. Devastated, and I mean fully devastated, I had to start this new Chapter of my life without my kids. I had left California so it wasn’t like they were around the corner to visit regularly. But I endured that hardship with a lot of effort and that Summer, with all the documentation of the year’s hardships they faced, I compiled my Case with integrity and hard facts. I won my kids back and now could focus on both family and work life.
• DELAY – Here delay is represented by that wide band of lighter colors where the dream and the decision seem to be floating on. Delay teaches us important lessons. I came to understand how delay is an integral part of the process of building faith. Everything seems to be a test. Do you have patience? Do you believe God is good? Do you believe that delay could be God’s way of developing your faith, your dependance, and your relationship with Him? Do you realize that God always asks us to wait on Him? When, LORD, is justice going to lean in my favor? Luke 8:15, Romans 5:3, Romans 15:4-5, 2 Corinthians 6:4.
  • 2 Corinthians 12:12 Truly the signs of an apostle were wrought among you in all patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses. (That Scripture says it all.) I had endured a lot but I was learning to really lean on the LORD.
• DIFFICULTIES – I’m middle aged now, so did I have difficulties in my life? I have had more than my fair share. I was buried in difficulties. Having been raised in another country and coming to America to study and start one’s life path had all sorts of difficulties. Every new start has it’s share, and it seems, I have had many new starts. (Newsflash: I just found out that Car Insurance Premiums do not favor a person that has had to move around.) I wish I could cruise for a while but I’m still waiting for that day. Large victories become small on going victories. Who knew it was a lifelong battle? My parents did not teach me this.
  • The final destiny is being with the LORD and the sooner we understand that He is with us and in us, we walk with Him fighting alongside us. He even fights and resolves some of our battles and we delight in rating in Him. Ultimately, we learn that the blessing is found in Yeshua’s great sacrifice for us, and that for now, we must endure until the end.
  • It took the Holy Spirit to lead me into finding my Hebrew roots in 2019 and keeping Sabbath, as the best way to rest in Him and to refresh for starting each new week. But to be honest, the difficulties of that period, 2015, when I painted this, were greater. I got relaxed for a year and a half and didn’t anticipate the blow that would come at me next.
  • My son, at 15, was not sent back home to me on the airplane after a Summer at dad’s in California. That was a stab in the back by my Ex-husband and by my own son. One I would never ever have conceived. It hurt deeply. Maybe I should have anticipated it as I was receiving child support and he was livid about having some of his income go towards child support. I just didn’t imagine he would resort to such evil behavior that had extensive consequences. To make matters worse, I found out the day he would travel back. My daughter who was younger was put on a plane all by herself to travel cross country and make airline connections alone. It was a nightmare for me. Talk about difficulties, that was so painful. The difficulties in the painting are marked by the darker blue, dark green and bolder dark strokes. All I could do was punch the canvas with the paint and palette knife. Thank God I had my art to take it out on. I was so angry.

• DEAD END – In this faith journey, I kind of lost my son, and in the process, I had lost myself and my faith. He didn’t die, he was just no longer a part of my everyday life and I always felt a closeness to both my children. How could God allow my Ex to defy Court Orders and blatantly manipulate my son to abandon his mother? Him and I were close but the enemy had gotten a foothold in his life and steered him in a different direction. I couldn’t make sense of it. I painted that part and it was so ugly. I painted my way into a dark hole without even realizing it. I was horrified with this painting now. I set it aside, never to go back to it. That journey ended seemingly badly for me.
  • I had to find peace in the storm. I couldn’t find it on my own. I was so hurt and so angry. God needed to rescue me once again. I had moved my studio twice already, once after a flood hit the first Gallery and started lifting the laminated wood floors, another time after my studio in this Building Complex in downtown Miami started showing signs of total debauchery. We had Open Studios on Friday nights and different events and the kind of people that attended these events were over the top for me. A scene I did not want to be a part of. I moved my studio close to where I lived in Key Biscayne and I felt comforted by that. I didn’t even care anymore if I had clients or not. Miami proved to be a lousy place to sell fine art and I was relieved to find peace again in an environment where I could paint prophetically while staying closer to my daughter and her school environment.
  • I came to accept that my son was gone, and acceptance was the spark of light that led me to finally see how I would complete this painting. It took some time but it was so simple and so surprising when the solution came to me. PS: Just writing about this, this many years later, still boggles my mind and tugs at my heartstrings. What I did see is how this riddle was solved, not painlessly though. acceptance was another way of understanding that the LORD was in the midst and that he knew what had happened and some day, somehow, and some way, things would be alright. Everyone had to learn from their own choices and I had to allow that process to transpire in my son and all involved. Nonetheless, deep wounds were made, traumas and a constant need to find healing. Today, 10/10/23, the LORD told me again, it’s time to let it go. So here I am, having killed the swarming flies that try to keep this angst alive. I saw this in a dream recently and my ex-husband was on the ground cleaning the bugs up off the floor.
  • The other truth is that this process taught me so much about finding shelter in the SECRET PLACE OF THE MOST HIGH. It literally is what I know best. For a long time I thought, who needs people when people are only going to hurt you, but as of late, I don’t feel that way anymore. I long to share and experience companionship, friendship and even deep love. The LORD gave me dreams of remaining places that needed healing. I addressed them. He works with me Himself. I liked that. He also led me to understand that I would find comfort and protection in the SECRET PLACE OF THUNDER. I would move forward experiencing incredible signs and wonders to mold my faith further. That’s a whole other book!
• DELIVERANCE – From dead end to deliverance, a spark of light is what it took. Surrender. Faith in Him. I would weave the white outer part of the painting, the light, into the hard edges of the dark sphere that had formed, the seemingly impenetrable darkness. I had reached the brink, like Job, that no one could take God away from me. He would be with me. I would still hurt but He was with me. Acceptance. I had to overcome the common thought of why bad things happen to good people. There would always be afflictions. We aren’t promised a life without afflictions.
  • I came to acceptance and the darkness was dispelled. I saw the painting again and I would refuse to allow the dark hole to be the end all of that painting. I had never thrown out a piece of art. I always finished them until I found that happy place of contentment in the completion. I now knew just how to tackle it by allowing the light of God to shine in the darkness. That is when God moves, when we reach that breaking point, where we surrender it all to Him, then He can show Himself glorious.
  • I completed the piece by weaving in the light milky white colors in spirit and in truth, in thought and in action, and added hints of gold. A peace flooded through my spirit. I came to the understanding of the revelation. God would forever be with me and take me by the hand when the waters got too deep. This next image is a close up. The next one is the finished piece. Many people say it looks like an eye. If it is like an eye, than it is the eye of the LORD, who sees and knows everything, and hands out blessing and justice where it belongs. To me, it was the six stages of faith, perfectly put together like only the Holy Spirit could orchestrate.

Deuteronomy 32: 9-10 [9] For the LORD’S portion is His people; Jacob is the lot of His inheritance. [10] He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, He kept him as the apple of His eye.

Zechariah 2:8 For this is what the Lord Almighty says: “After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of His eye—